Franz Kafka

Okay, so it seems implausible that Franz Kafka, a man most well known for turning a perfectly ordinary man into a cockroach just for the heck of it, would open a resort in northeastern Wisconsin in his golden years. But there you have it; sometimes truth is stranger than fiction -- even when the fiction in question is Metamorphosis (The Castle, The Trial, and everyone's favorite, The Penal Colony.)

Unfortunately, we didn't have time to stop and check out the facilities at Kafka's Resort in Rhinelander, Wisconsin, so we can only imagine what they include. But that, dear readers, is where you all come in. What sorts of amenities do you imagine you might find at a place named Kafka's Resort? Send your suggestions to PonH, Hotel California Department. ("Kafka's Resort, where you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.")