TRAVELERS' ADVISORY

When traveling to an unfamiliar city, travelers are often inquisitive about the safety and comfort of the public transit system. The Washington, DC area (where I live -- yes, I am a Beltway insider, that's a geographical fact) is known for its safe, clean, and convenient Metro system.

Here, even the eccentrics try to comport themselves in a manner befitting the dignity of the nation's capital. Well, everyone who's not President, at least. Or holding basically any kind of elected office. But I digress. Recently my friend Cindy was headed downtown one weekday morning, surrounded by suits and running shoes as usual, when she began to hear someone singing at the other end of the train. The singer turned out to be a man in a suit, clutching a pole in one hand and a briefcase in the other -- not an unusual sight, except for the satin(1) cape flowing over his conservative suit. That, and the fact that he was singing a slow dirgelike tune that went like this: "Saaa-tan/Is part of God's creaaaaa-tion/He should not be me-et/ With condemnaaa-tion."

So DC. Even our freaks are buttoned down and presentable here. In Chicago, on the El, people sing, dance, solicit gambling, make out and do all sorts of things without a second glance from anyone. On the Metro, troublemakers who should know better are ejected from the train for eating a bagel. Propriety is big business here. We don't have Satan-worshippers, we have K street lawyer-type liberals pleading for tolerance for Satan. (2)

When we speak of the devil's advocate it's not just a figure of speech. Welcome to Washington.

1. Satin: see " Our Fate Was In Her Hands," Philosophers on Holiday, vol. II no.3. Coincidence? I think not!
2. Not to be confused with "Sympathy for the Devil."