For the Funk-Deprived

It is my great pleasure to announce not one but two new contests especially for readers of this column. I suspect most readers will agree with me that (a) philosophical exegesis of the Prince songbook is long overdue, and (b) far too few of us in the world of philosophical travel and leisure do have our own theme songs (as Ally McBeal fan Barbthebrief will surely acknowledge), not to mention that the world of professional philosophy tends to be, how shall I say it, funk-deprived.

So, to enter Contest A, please submit your philosophical exegesis of the following lyrics in 100 words or less, making your own theoretical framework explicit, to Contest A, c/o Abby Wilkerson, 7904 Long Branch Parkway #3, Takoma Park, MD 20912 (email alw@gwu.edu).

To enter Contest B, send your own lyrics for the following song--a Prince homage, it goes without saying, which is simultaneously your own theme song (same address). Or send a video or cassette tape of yourself singing the lyrics (with or without backup). I will choose the winning entries on the basis of extremely sound criteria (whatever they turn out to be) and perhaps with the help of my lovely assistants (whomever they turn out to be, but I assure you they will be quality people every one). I won't promise prizes at this point, but the lucky winners will see their entries published here!

My Name is Prince

My name is Prince and I am funky
My name is Prince--the one and only
I did not come to funk around
`Til I get your daughter I won't leave this town
In the beginning God made the sea
But on the 7th day He made me
He was trying to rest y'all when He heard the sound
Sound like a guitar--cold gettin' down
I tried to bust a high note but I bust a string
My God was worried `til He heard me sing
My name is Prince and I am funky
My name is Prince--the one and only--hurt me!

(Verse 2 -- see complete lyrics on the www.sing365.com site)

(Verse 3 -- see complete lyrics on the www.sing365.com site)

Then, as narrative theorist Franco Moretti would say, fifteen verses or so go by. I will go out on a limb here and say that the initial three verses will suffice for PonH contest purposes, but readers are urged to listen to the song in its entirety, on the 1992 release Prince and the New Power Generation. Then, enter early. Enter often. The world will thank you.